Contempt

Contempt
Luke 18:9-14 (Only in Luke)
October 23, 2022
Rev. Kerra Becker English

If I were to go with the EASY way to preach this text, I would plan to talk about humility.
I would wax eloquently about the power of heartfelt prayer to set us right with God. 
Who doesn’t want to see in themselves the humble sinner justified through their own tears and self-depreciation to receive God’s mercy and grace?
We are the humble who will be exalted, right? Right?
The other part of that equation isn’t written for us. It’s for other people.
And yet, we are warned about the one who prays, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people.”  
Surely, we don’t pray – like that.
In this section of Luke’s gospel, Jesus is teaching about prayer.
But he’s also teaching about human intentions and motives.
Jesus is certainly insightful in how he approaches the crowd before him with just the right story, and yet it is his biographer Luke who lets us, the readers, know important specifics about who was listening.  
The audience is made up of a certain type of people: ones who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt.
Lately, I find myself being drawn into these seemingly minor details that Luke puts into his gospel.
Today, when social scientists ask the general population to come up with “feeling” words, they generally come up with three: angry, sad, and happy or as an easy way to remember, the mad, sad, glad trio. Our vocabulary for feelings doesn’t go very far.
Therefore, to have Luke give us a psychological profile of the group Jesus was addressing is a bit surprising. More than 2000 years ago, did they understand people and their drives better than we do?  
Luke identifies a very specific emotion – one we don’t talk about often – but one that also has a lot of power to do harm.
The identified listeners thought of themselves as righteous and regarded others with contempt.
Contempt.
That’s specific. And relevant in our own context of internet trolls, divisive politics, and what seems like heightened dissatisfaction with our human relationships.
I think we can figure out why contempt is a destructive emotion, but it also carries that edge of superiority that delivers a psychological rush in the moment. It may not exactly feel good, but it certainly feels powerful.  
Social media algorithms and news outlets are counting on that exact feeling to show up because it sells. If your news content of choice can get you fired up – you’ll keep coming back. The old journalism saying was, “If it bleeds, it leads.” Make people troubled, or better yet, make them mad, and they will keep coming back to feel more and more justified in how outraged they are. Turns out that we like feeling that we are better than someone else.
Feeling superior in one’s religious beliefs or political views has been around for quite some time.
Facebook, and Twitter, and every single media outlet knows that you will spend more time on their platform if you are feeling outrage than you will if you only watch cute kitten videos and hear good news stories. Your time spent is simply more money in their executive pockets. That’s why it’s so hard to get ethical boundaries in place even around hate speech and flat out lies. Those things, by design, increase our contempt for others we deem as not like us – which is how propaganda against a designated “out” group can be so successful.
We may WANT to be the example of humble prayer – and that’s a good thing – keep at that.
But it’s crucial that we recognize these forms of the Pharisee’s prayer in ourselves so that we can approach God humbly and with genuine regard for our own place in the world.
My study Bible reminds me that when Jesus is talking about prayer in these passages in Luke, it is about a whole life stance, not just what we do in the moment that we start out with, “Are you there, God? It’s me Kerra.”
Contempt is not only a bad form of prayer; it is a dastardly life stance to embrace.
I have learned the contemporary view on contempt from listening to the researchers from the Gottman Institute. The institute was founded by a married couple, John and Julie Gottman who have honed their science of relationships to the point where, with 90% accuracy, they can tell from a short observation of a couple if they are headed for divorce.
Know what the best predictor of a failing relationship is?
Contempt. The language of contempt is a relationship killer.
It’s the worst of their “Four Horsemen” of communication strategies, a play on the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Now, we all probably engage each of their four negative coping strategies to some degree, and they are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
Human relationships are complicated, and we are prone to react in negative ways when we are tired or stressed rather than those times when we can be more responsive and calmer in our dialogues with one another.
Contempt though – is about putting the other person down so that we feel better about ourselves.
It’s the prayer: “God, I thank you that I’m not like those other people.”
Now, I confess that I prefer to be right, or perfect, or at least blameless in any given situation.
But I am human. I can be wrong, or scattered, or know full well that whatever situation I find myself in that the fallout from it is my own fault – completely.
What I hope NOT to do is project that I am better than anyone else as I go through my own struggles in life.
To strive for a growth mentality is to be honest and to be balanced.
My mistakes are human. But my successes are too.
I’m probably going to have a human sized share of both.    
 In the Gottmans’ book, “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” John Gottman writes, “What separates contempt from criticism is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. With your words and body language, you’re lobbing insults right into the heart of your partner’s sense of self.” (Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown, p. 127)
This is the degree of attitude that Luke is describing here. Those listening were full of contempt for the people they thought were beneath them. The Pharisees, and those like them, despised sinners and tax collectors. They were labeling others and putting themselves above those labels.
They were, as the Gottmans describe it, using insulting or abusive language that communicates superiority.
Though the Gottmans studies marriage, their research can easily apply to religion as well. Self-righteous religious folk of almost any faith group will set themselves apart from thieves, adulterers, and rogues, and they may have a favorite group to insult like the tax collectors. They tithe. They show up at religious events. They are putting on a show for God to show not adherence to the faith but superiority to others. See God – how I’m better than all those other folks.
It’s an easy trap to fall into from a religious standpoint. If you find your faith values to be important, and you act on them, when you see others not doing so, you might feel justified in putting them down. It’s why I’m more likely to feel contempt toward Christians who believe or do things differently than I do than I would judge someone of a different faith or no faith. I expect other Christians to follow Jesus – with the implication – like I do.
The good news though is that Jesus, and the Gottmans, give us ways to understand ourselves beyond the temptation to contempt. Jesus gives us the example of humble prayer, the prayer that takes seriously our own sinfulness rather than just pointing out the sins of others. Our stance in prayer matters.
The Gottmans have a similar resolution for contempt. Rather than blaming others, it’s important for us to describe our own feelings and needs, to take responsibility for ourselves. To express our own needs in a positive way rather than pointing out what the other person did to us – that reduces the feeling of contempt in us and allows others to be responsive rather than defensive or simply cutting us out of their lives.
Prayer is not only about the words we say when we talk to God, it’s how we live our whole lives in relationship to both God and neighbor. For Jesus, there is a right way to approach God and it’s with humility, not with personal exaltation. Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.
Prayers of persistent widows and tax collectors will be heard, and God will act with justice and with mercy. Open your heart to others. Speak clearly of your own needs without blaming and labeling. It’s a basic kindness, and a loving way to follow Jesus. Amen.